Jacobism #6: Gonads...Yes...GONADS!

May 2009

Setting: In Charleston, SC driving back to the condo from the store.

Mood: Unsuspecting...I mean REALLY unsuspecting.

JACOBISM: (with dead seriousness...and fully expecting a reasonable answer) "Mom, would you rather have ONE ball the size of King Kong or 4,000 the size of grapes???"

Me:
Inside voice: "Is he serious? Is he talking about what I THINK he's talking about??"
Outside voice: (trying HARD not to laugh): "Are you SERIOUS? Are you talking about what I THINK you're talking about???

He was.

From there he went into all the pros and cons of each position on the matter.

Jacobism #5: Really?

July 2009

Setting: In the car riding home from volleyball. Caleb had just asked me if he had any birthmarks. I reply "no". Not to be outdone...

JACOBISM: (with quick bragging pride) "Guess what?!? I think I have a birthmark shaped like Michael Jackson!"

Really? Are you kidding me right now?

Where...WHERE could that have possibly come from?

Jacobism #4...I still almost whiz myself when I think of this one!

June 2009

Setting: Quiet ride in the car on the way to Old Time Pottery to shop. Just me and Jacob.

Mood: Unsuspecting...as always.

JACOBISM: "Mom, I remember when Ashlyn and I explained to Caleb that when you smell something, you actually taste it first..."

(he pauses...then giggles)

"...and then Ashlyn farted and Caleb started crying!"

Oh.my.lord! I can't stop laughing! I am going to DIIIIEEEE!

Jacobism #3: Quick Wit...plain and simple.

Circa 2007

Setting: In the car, just pulled in the driveway from picking the kids up from daycare.

Jacob: "Mom, can I have a drink of your coffee?"

Me: "No Jacob, I bought it this morning at the convenience store and it tasted like crap so I didn't drink it."

JACOBISM: (with no pause whatsoever) "Hey! It's a CRAPPUCINO!"

Jacobism #2: Venting...Creatively.

Age: Jacob 5

Setting: In the car...in line at the school to pick Jacob up from kindergarten...was just told by his teacher that he "did NOT have a very good day today and he called another child on the playground a...a...a NAME!"...Jacob gets in the car.
Moods:
Me...Angry and disappointed Jacob: Scared. Because I'm angry and disappointed.

Mom: "Jacob! What HAPPENED? It's not like you to call someone a name!!!"

Jacob: "Mom... SHE took the ball away from me!"

Mom: (inside voice..."Oh lord! It was a girl? Not....good!") "Jacob! That's no reason to call names!! We NEVER call names! You know that!"

Nothing...

Mom: (not WANTING to know...but...) "What did you call her...?" *gulp*

JACOBISM: (quietly...slowly) "A Freaky Little Critter..."

Moods:

Me: Surprised, satisfied and peeing my pants. Jacob: Scared. Because I'm surprised, satisfied and laughing out loud.

Jacobism #1: The 3 year old Know-It-All

Circa 2003

Ages: Jacob: 3 Caleb: 5

Setting: Riding down the road in the truck

Mood: Unsuspecting

Caleb: "Mom, why didn't you name me Power Ranger?!?"

Mom: "Well, Caleb...I really liked the name Caleb and I hadn't actually thought of the name Power Ranger...I'm sorry."

Caleb: (obviously very upset with me) "Well, I really wanted to be named Power Ranger!! I'm going to change my name!!...??"

PAUSE...as I really didn't know what to say...

JACOBISM: (very matter-o-factly)
"Caleb...it's not a good idea to change your name...(pause)...I changed my name to "Jacob Donut Eater" one time and then I decided that I liked "Jacob" better and had to change it back. You really should just keep your name Caleb"

Mom: (inside voice)... *Did that really just happen?*

We had experienced our first Jacobism. At the tender age of just 3 years old, I realized...this kid has wit! And one of Jacob's several nicknames now is "Jacob donut eater".

Nique...Will you please tell us what a JACOBISM is?

What is a JACOBISM?

JACOBISM: Noun. (Pronounced: "JAY-KUB-IZM")

A statement to come out of my youngest son at the most appropriate (and sometimes inappropriate) moment that is beyond his years or really, beyond much of anything you'd expect a child to comprehend at all. Something that can make you burst into laughter or tears in a second's notice. Jacobisms were first discovered circa 2003 and have been bountiful ever since. The first Jacobism was thought to be a mishap but immediately was concreted as real and tangible through repeated evidence of wit and genius. In no certain order...and to be perpetually replenished...Enjoy!